Who
mauled my speech?
R I P - Spencer Johnson, who inspired the headline. Let
me thank Joseph, my friend who suggested his epic.
“I am not a talker. That is why I am a writer” wrote
John Cadley¹.
I did try to make that speech for a long time. It never
came. The King had his trainer². Who would mould me?
My Mother, a teacher tried to help very early. My age was
then seven or eight. Our school stood on a hill overlooking a river.
One of my teachers in this small primary school was
retiring. It was easy there for a makeshift auditorium. We had screens made of
used bags of wheat given for making free lunch, ‘upma’ for poor students. There
were real ‘American care everywhere’.
I was selected to make my first speech. Guests came. Students
and teachers were the audience. Raghavan Pillai, Sir sat with a sad face, a red
garland festooned around his neck. After some speeches my name was announced. There
was expectation. I ran up the stage and started. But, halfway through this farewell
speech, I forgot the text, mumbled, looked at my mother in horror and… then...then
I cried aloud!
I was saved by someone who asked me to read from the script
which was in my hand. The horrible episode thus came to an end. Later they
joked that I cried because I liked Sir that much!
I used to read the daily prayer in the school assembly.
Yes, I was part of that small team too. Akhilanda Mandala…, India is my
country, Janaganamana … etc. Mom might have thought that I had passed the age
of stage fright! Wrong! And she had to swear that I will not be allowed
anywhere near a stage!
Again she was wrong! I entered another school for Standard
V. Far away from Mom’s school!
Along came a contest, an opportunity. The subject was
said to be about Co-operatives. I along with my cousin made an elderly relative write a speech
and both prepared. Alas! When we reached the school assembly for the contest,
we came to know that the speech was not about Co-operatives but about the
Co-operative Society in the school! We vanished into the audience and when our
names were called, we hid our face! Thus ended my second coming!
Something awful had happened in between. A wicked tooth
sprouted right behind one of my upper middle incisors and I started lisping. Now
I could not decipher and my friends started to torment me. Reality dawned on
me; my public speech is finished forever. I was laughed at wherever I opened my
mouth. This despite an expert dentist removing the unwanted ‘truth’ three years
later. That was a long and painful event. Clarity in my speech never returned.
“RRRRR…. I can hear you reading this! I can’t mimic.
For me, it is Aar, Aar, again Aar, again…if only I add a‘t’ to that sound, here
I go, Trrrrr! “
I never dared to go in front of an audience.
My teachers tried to help me in school asking me to
read aloud. I remember Vasu Sir asking me to read at home, Ramayana, Bhagawatha
etc aloud. In Class,
“And charging along like troops in a
battle,
All through the meadows the horses and
cattle
All of the sights of the hill and the
plain
Fly as thick as driving rain” ³ thus I
ran, effortlessly. DNA?
I entered the University. The College initially was a
cultural shock to me. Away from my village, I had to keep quite or risk being
the object of laughter or ridicule. That was impossible. So I cocooned. Me and
my close friends, my class, my shell, my room and my books and films.
We, Keralites take our ‘tongue cleaner’ very
seriously. Before the steel or plastic ones
came, our ancestors used the stick of coconut leaf for the compulsory morning
routine. Our language is said to be one of the most difficult to pronounce in
the world. We have sounds which, not even the people from the neighboring
states could express. Original language might have started here! I was chastised
as unclean though the reason for my lisping was different.
My career started as an Auditor. I learned practical Accounting.
My father objected to my taking Law as a profession because of my lisping. I agreed
Accounting is perhaps a suitable career because all accountants sit in a corner,
immersed in work and do not speak! I was wrong.
Speaking in (Indian) English saved some of the trouble!
Later in my career, when promoted to
higher responsibilities, talking in meetings or making my presentations wasn’t
much of a problem.
But things changed once I took to practice Accountancy.
“Without courage to face an assembly, one's learning
is of no use in the hands of one who has fear (726).
The learned man who fears facing an assembly is like a
weakling, holding a sword in his hand against an enemy (727).
All of one's learning is of no use unless it can be
purposefully
used to secure acceptance of an assembly (728).
Learned persons who are afraid to face an assembly
will be
considered worse than the ignorant (729).
The learned that are afraid to face an assembly, will
be
considered to be dead for all purposes (730)” wrote Thiruvalluvar⁴.
All the speaking however was to be to Accountants or
would be number crunchers. We need to repeat the word ‘professional’ often and
threw the word ‘ethics’ here and there and be careful not to bring up any of
these to our clientele! Everybody took pain to clarify Laws! Taxation,
Corporate, there were many. Lawyers still had the upper hand! My certificate
reminded me to practice the profession of Accountancy. I lost count of the Standards.
Shouldn’t we adapt IFRS?
My friends understood me. They introduced me to
Toastmasters. Toastmaster? Who?
Never heard of them! I remember attending a semi-official
dinner and our guests wondering why I am not giving the toast and my boss
explaining the great cultural divide. Yes, even that was new to me. But what is
Toastmasters? Good Lord!
Thus I started toddling through the projects. I did
not feel nervous in front of this small familiar group. I could speak. But when
it came to those projects testing language skills and I needed to learn the
speech, disaster!
I concentrate on the speech and move from the podium
to express myself and use body language. I am surprised to find a completely
dried throat in the middle of the speech! I need to force the sound out! I have
to drink water!
Yes, my friends tell me, it is tension showing up.
But Toastmasters as an Organization was present since
1921, I am told. Who knew? Thus I became a regular at this small club at YMCA. Soon
I completed ten projects and was awarded Competent Communicator, with support
and encouragement from my fellow members.
Time flies, I had to move away from that city for work.
There were projects left. I have to trudge a long way. May be I could start all
over again. But all my efforts to start another club in the suburban town came
a cropper. Nobody was interested.
I repeat, “I am not a talker. That is why I am a
writer” wrote John Cadley. Do I write?
Perhaps I could learn. Perhaps I shall do my speech. It
doesn’t matter anymore. ‘Location N’ or never! ⁵ Whoever mauled my speech!
* * * *
[‘Who mauled
my speech?’ was
earlier published on gather.com – August
2012, updated August -2016,
revised July 2017]
¹ Toast Master – July 2012- ‘Funny you should say
that’.
² The Kings Speech- 2010- a Feature Film
³ R L Stevenson -
From a railway carriage
⁴
Thirukkural [http://www.geocities.ws/rsupkar1/TIRUKKURAL.html]
⁵
Who moved my cheese? - #SpencerJohnson
